Understanding Imposter Syndrome and How to Work Through It
We feel like frauds, but understanding why and how to work through it is a choice we have to make.
“Impostor Syndrome” is a term that was brought into my life three or so years ago. This term was defined when I was talking to my therapist about how I felt vs what I was doing. I knew that what I was doing was purposeful and helped others, but I always felt that I was a fraud.
My achievements of balancing being an educator, personal trainer, and small business owner looked great from the lens of others, but I still felt that I was an imposter putting up a façade of what I believed—an insecure and lost individual who didn’t line up to my beliefs.
Even up to this point in my life, I have a hard time struggling believing I am a fraud. I keep having to ask myself the question, “Why do I believe this?”
I had to process, write down my thoughts, and then come to a conclusion of an understanding of this term and how to move through it rather than around it.
WHAT IS IMPOSTER SYNDROME?
Imposter syndrome is defined as “The persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills.” Up to 82% of people face feelings of impostor syndrome, struggling with the sense they haven’t earned what they’ve achieved and are a fraud (Bravata, D. M., et al., Journal of General Internal Medicine, Vol. 35, No. 4, 2020). These feelings can contribute to increased anxiety and depression, less risk-taking in careers, and career burnout.
The term “impostor syndrome” wasn’t coined until 1978 (by two American psychologists, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes), but it’s safe to assume that many of us have always felt it. It’s that feeling that you’re not good enough, you don’t belong, you don’t deserve the job, the promotion, or a potential partner.
Imposter feelings represent a conflict between your own self-perception and the way others perceive you.
Even as others praise your talents or skills, you may write off your successes to other factors rather than yourself. You may sometimes believe you didn’t earn them on your own merits, and you fear others will eventually realize the same thing. Consequently, you pressure yourself to work harder in order to make up for what you consider your lack of intelligence or keep others from recognizing your shortcomings or failures.
MY OWN TAKE ON IMPOSTOR SYNDROME
From breaking down the understanding of impostor syndrome from articles I’ve read and research, I’ve tried to understand this behavior and mindset from a personal view.
I’ve come to a conclusion of the two reasons why I personally or why others have “impostor syndrome”:
1. My values, beliefs, and truths don’t align with my actions seen by others = cognitive dissonance
2. The projection of myself to others is an overcorrection of my past
COGNITIVE DISSONANCE EXPLAINED
Cognitive dissonance is defined as “The state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.”
Cognitive dissonance was first investigated by Leon Festinger, arising out of a participant observation study of a cult that believed that the earth was going to be destroyed by a flood, and what happened to its members — particularly the really committed ones who had given up their homes and jobs to work for the cult — when the flood did not happen.
While fringe members were more inclined to recognize that they had made fools of themselves and to "put it down to experience," committed members were more likely to re-interpret the evidence to show that they were right all along (the earth was not destroyed because of the faithfulness of the cult members).
Festinger's (1957) cognitive dissonance theory suggests that we have an inner drive to hold all our attitudes and behavior in harmony and avoid disharmony (or dissonance). This is known as the principle of cognitive congruence. When there is an inconsistency between attitudes or behaviors (dissonance), something must change to eliminate the dissonance.
FEELING LIKE A FRAUD THROUGH COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
Being brought up in a home full of immigrants and Catholics shaped who I was and who I am today. I’m sure you’ve heard stories or even met people who are the religious type, but their behavior states otherwise.
From a performance standpoint, I’ve always thought I tried my best when I was younger. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. When I would achieve tasks and milestones in education or sports, I was praised. When I wouldn’t do well, I would be reprimanded which caused me to question my intellect, capabilities, and self-worth. Up till high school, my parents shifted to primarily look at the losses and failures towards me which I would then internalize to identify myself. Though I would achieve certain accolades, I still would feel like it wouldn’t be enough to please my parents. I would take shortcuts to reach good grades and would learn new skills with the motive to impress and lure attention from my parents—this was driven by fear. Though I would achieve these so-called goals, I would tell myself, “If this isn’t enough for the approval of my parents, this wouldn’t be enough for the approval from others.”
This feeling of insecurity and chasing approval would drive me to continuously build superficial talents to subconsciously satisfy my parents, but I would still allow this inner demon to whisper in my ear, “I’m good enough” or “I don’t deserve this.”
I would continuously compare myself to others. I would look at those who had unconditional love and thought, “If I continue this behavior, they’ll eventually see and love me like the other kids.” It took me most of my life to be aware that the act of comparing was a learned behavior in our home which also fueled insecurity.
My family pushed my younger sister and me to attend church—this lasted till about my early teens. We were told to listen to priests, read the bible, go to Sunday school, and obey the commandments. From what I studied vs. what I saw at home were two different things.
We were told to love, be loving, and understanding, but what I saw at home was the opposite. “Hypocrite” was the term that I learned that defined this behavior that I was surrounded by.
Most of my family were performing this type of behavior for most of my life--preaching and saying things, but continuously doing the other. Since nobody corrected their behavior, I started to believe that this type of behavior is normal since there was no reprimand.
I remember being so heated at the thought of being lied to that someone who I trusted would tell me to do one thing, but then do the other. I never learned to forgive or accept this behavior from others, so this type of behavior leaked into my own life.
Fast forward into my current life, I still struggle with this cognitive dissonance. A few years ago, I remember having to stop posting certain posts because what I wrote vs. what I was doing were two different actions. I would write about resilience, perseverance, and mental strength when in truth, I still didn’t know all the answers to them. I would still feel insecure about myself and even had thoughts of ending my life because I felt I was living a lie—I was an impostor waiting to get found out.
I had to really come to a sense of awareness of why I felt this way and talk to a professional to understand my emotions.
It wasn’t till recently that I started to feel I had cognitive congruence—what I believe is what I’m presently doing.
PROJECTION TO OVERCORRECT
We may not be aware of it, but many of us try to overcorrect our past hurtful or traumatic experiences to validate ourselves.
Overcorrection in Psychology is defined as “A technique in which a therapist asks a client who has exhibited inappropriate behavior to repeat the behavior in an appropriate but exaggerated way. Also called positive practice.”
When someone hurts us, intentionally or unintentionally, we question our self-worth. If we don’t get an apology or answers to this pain, we either avoid circumstances or people who are similar to this pain or trauma, or we choose to find similar circumstances to try to understand it. We have to be aware of this personal behavior as both paths still lead to the root of the issue—we still haven’t accepted the past situation and haven’t forgiven the people involved.
What I’ve come to realize through my transformational change is that my prior “confidence” wasn’t really confidence at all; it was cockiness that I was trying to hide or overcorrect from past pain and trauma.
The prior posts and quotes from the past didn’t feel “right” to me as I knew deep inside that I wasn’t doing what the posts and quotes were saying. I truly wanted to believe I was aligned with what I was projecting, but I knew I was just a fraud.
I had to come to reality and accept the fact that what I was projecting wasn’t aligned with what I actually believed. I had to do the inner work to understand why I felt like an imposter to align myself with the positivity and truths I was projecting.
I had to learn that I was good enough for these accolades and didn’t need the approval of others to drive my passion or purpose.
HOW TO WORK THROUGH IT
Of course, talking to a professional helps a great deal, but if you do not have the means and time to do so, here are some helpful tips.
Acknowledge your feelings
Identifying imposter feelings and bringing them out into the light of day can accomplish several goals.
Talking to a trusted friend or someone you trust about your emotions can help you get a different lens.
Opening up to peers about how you feel encourages them to do the same, helping you realize you aren’t the only one who feels like an imposter.
Build connections
Avoid giving in to the urge to do everything yourself. Instead, turn to classmates, academic peers, and coworkers to create a network of mutual support.
Remember, you can’t achieve everything alone. Your network can:
offer guidance and support
validate your strengths
encourage your efforts to grow
Sharing imposter feelings can also help others in the same position feel less alone. It also creates the opportunity to share strategies for overcoming these feelings and related challenges you might encounter.
Challenge your doubts
When imposter feelings surface, ask yourself whether any actual facts support these beliefs. Then, look for pieces of evidence to counter them.
Do your best to look for truths and constantly ask yourself if what you’re telling yourself is really coming from you or someone from the past.
If you consistently receive encouragement and recognition, that’s a good sign you’re doing plenty right.
Avoid comparing yourself to others
Everyone has unique abilities. You are where you are because someone recognized your talents and your potential.
You may not excel in every task you attempt, but you don’t have to, either. Almost no one can “do it all.” Even when it seems like someone has everything under control, you may not know the full story.
It’s OK to need a little time to learn something new, even if someone else seems to grasp that skill immediately.
Instead of allowing others’ success to highlight your flaws, do your best to only compare yourself to your former self.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Most of us suffer from impostor syndrome daily or even throughout our entire lifetime, but the first step we can do with this is to be aware that we have it.
We must be aware if the cause of our imposter syndrome is caused by past trauma or pain which causes us to have self-doubt and negative self-worth.
We must be aware if our current behavior is just actions to overcorrect past experiences we never healed from.
We must do our best to practice what we preach in order to have cognitive congruence to align our beliefs and values to what we actually do.
We must have the humility and vulnerability to allow others to help us through these difficult psychological paths because we don’t have all the answers and can’t do it alone.
We are not impostors in life, we were just lost and needed to realign ourselves back to our truths—we are all confident and strong people that have a purpose.
-Lloyd Sarte
