Choice: the only thing we have control over in life
We do not have control over our daily circumstances, but we do have control over the choices we make from them.
For a great deal of my life, I’ve been unaware of how I’ve been acting or reacting to situations. I was once a firm believer that we have full control over our lives—I was wrong.
When we encounter a circumstance that doesn’t go the way we planned, we may ask these questions to ourselves:
“Why me?”
“What did I do wrong?”
“What did I do to deserve this?”
These are the questions I would ask myself when something that brought some point of suffering would happen in my life. Trying my best to try to understand the situation rather than choosing to accept it would create sadness that would then stem to anxiety and depression—knowing deep inside that I may never understand why or how something occurred. It wasn’t until I started seeing a therapist that I started to look inward and being aware of my behavior. I wasn’t aware that I had the strength to choose a better path.
HOW CHOICE MATTERS
From the time you are born till the time you are reading this line, you have made choices accordingly. Some may be conscious while others are subconscious or unconscious. Simple choices of taking a step forward to walk or choosing what new career to take are choices we make daily. Choice is an important part of our development, growth, and strength which shapes our character.
The greatest facet about choice is right now at this very moment, you have the ability to consciously be aware of your thoughts and choose where to go from there. You’re choosing to read this line or you can choose to stop. You can choose to change your life in a healthy way, stay stagnant, or regress—this choice is ours.
How we use choice is what really matters. It is critical that we remind ourselves that we have control over what to do next in times of our darkest moments. How we respond to these situations is how we develop our resilience and strength. We can choose to replay these hurtful experiences in our minds trying to understand them—which may never happen—or we can choose to accept the circumstance, learn from it, then choose the best path forward.
HOW TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES
To make better choices seem seams like an easy task, but there’s more to it.
We must first be aware of ourselves and our thought process. We must reflect on why we feel sad with the situation in front of us and mindfully process the root of our sadness. We must be aware if the circumstance is the reason for our sadness or if it’s triggering something deeper that we haven’t resolved. It’s from here that we can start to make healthier and more thoughtful choices.
Some of us choose paths of fast fixes or “band-aids” to try to avoid or cover up this pain. These "Band-Aids" are short-term feelings of happiness, which may include materialism, self-medicating, narcissism, multiple relationships, seeking validation, comparison, electronic device escaping, and the list goes on. Self-affirming ourselves or surrounding ourselves with positivity without addressing the initial point of sadness is also creating a mental Band-Aid—it’s temporary. These may quickly “fix” the problem for a small amount of time, but the root of the issue always comes back.
We must ask these questions to ourselves before making choices:
Why am I unhappy with this circumstance?
Is this circumstance the reason why I’m unhappy or is it triggering something else?
Have I learned to accept and found peace with my past circumstances that are related to this present circumstance?
Am I trying to learn from this current circumstance to move forward or try to do a quick fix?
Will the choice make me a stronger and more resilient person?
It is important to have self-awareness before we make important life choices. We must understand where our emotions are coming from before we take any action to move forward. We must be aware if we are choosing out of fear, love, selfishness, selflessness, a quick-fix, or a long-term change.
Every time we pull ourselves into the present moment to mindfully process our thoughts is a sign of strength, but solidifying well-thought-out choices is stronger and wiser.
We all have the gift of choice, so let’s choose paths to create a healthier, happier, and stronger version of ourselves.
- Lloyd Sarte
